Intellectual Intelligence IQ vs. Emotional Intelligence EQ

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Ever hear of “emotional intelligence,” EQ? We all tend to think
success is all about smarts, about having a high IQ.
It isn’t. Emotional intelligence or EQ is much more important to success.
Here is a great “self-help” resource for you!

October 20, 2016
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Intellectual Intelligence (IQ)
vs. Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Self-Help: Turns Out, Success in Life
Mainly Has to do with Emotional Intelligence
(And It Can Be Learned)

The Daily Walk with Miracles, revised October 20, 2016, by Paul Evans.

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What Is EQ – Emotional Intelligence?

This article is really personal for me. I have a pretty high IQ, but (what perhaps has amounted to) a dangerously low EQ. I think it may have to do with what I see as my “high functioning autism.” I think a lot of very logical computer geek type people are in the same boat, I run into this all the time in conversations with tech support people who spend all their time with computers. It came to me that it’s fairly easy to have a bunch of friends or followers online, since online people don’t really know you. But perhaps a good measure of how high your emotional intelligence is would be how many friends you have in real life. Actually, I have very few real friends in real life, so to some exent I have concluded that I must have a low EQ. [But having a lot of friends or not also has a LOT to do with whether you are psychologically introverted or extroverted. That was basically explained to me in this way: when you are introverted you actually gain “chi” or psychic energy by being with just one other person or a small group. Extroverts get their “chi” from being in crowds. So even if you have good skills at emotionally relating to people, you might just be an introvert and not like to be in crowds or have a whole lot of friends. I am myself probably an introvert but also may have somewhat low EQ. Does all that make sense?]

Since overall I felt I am lacking in emotional EQ social skills, I had the thought that I’d research emotional intelligence, since supposedly you can learn it, to help both myself and others with the same problem. If you have any friends with low EQ, please share this article with them.

We all have a good idea what IQ is — all that intellectual words, math and logic stuff — and we all tend to think success is all about smarts, about having a high IQ. But research shows that success in life isn’t mainly about IQ! People who have this “other” kind of smarts, EQ, or emotional intelligence, tend to be truly successful in life, and raw IQ doesn’t really matter quite as much (although of course both are important). It is interesting to speculate on the strong connection between emotional intelligence, intuition and ability at empathy. I know I personally am not a very empathetic person and have a low EQ.

Life is hard and often unforgiving. We are all scarred by this life, all of us, life can be pretty difficult sometimes, and time leaves its marks on all of us. So how DO we have or acquire a higher EQ, and be more empathetic? Isn’t the simplest way to be empathetic and caring to our neighbor, to in a fairly rigorous way to NOT JUDGE each other and to really, actually be caring? As a Christian I see being empathetic as some kind of an approach to “loving your neighbor as yourself,” and to really, actually caring about the other people in our life, even if it costs? Seems more simple than I used to think. I think for us to learn those two techniques and have those two obligations is why Jesus died for us. I think it is important to God that we live that way.

So what is this “EQ,” anyway. Jay White gives us a good summary:

The term “emotional intelligence” first received widespread attention in a 1995 best-selling book by psychologist Daniel Goldman titled Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand and manage your emotions and the emotions of others.

Researchers have coined the term “EQ” (or EI, link points to Wikipedia article) to describe an individual’s level of emotional intelligence. People with high levels of EQ are those who enjoy more self-esteem, have more compassion and empathy for others, maintain closer relationships and adapt more easily to life’s ups and downs.

One helpful article in uderstanding changes to make to increase your emotional intelligence is 5 Simple Hacks to Sharpen Your Emotional Intelligence,, no date, by Larry Kim: “Emotional intelligence is a key indicator for success in business, relationships and life in general. Try these painless ways to build yours.”

These four competencies are recognized as key components of a high EQ level:

  1. Self-awareness, meaning that you know yourself and understand your emotions. This includes being able to assess your strengths and weaknesses accurately. It also includes having a healthy amount of self-confidence.
  2. Self-management, meaning you have control of your emotions, act rationally and react to change in a positive manner. This also includes being trustworthy, conscientious, committed and optimistic.
  3. Social awareness, meaning you have an understanding of the emotions of others and know how to effectively react to these emotions. This includes having empathy and compassion for others, recognizing their unique talents and qualities, and having excellent communication skills. It also includes being comfortable in many types of social situations.
  4. Relationship management, which is the ability to maintain all types of relationships, to avoid unnecessary conflict, and to work through conflict successfully when it does arise. This includes building a sphere of influence and taking leadership when needed.

Comment by Paul Evans: While the way we are raised and educated has a lot to do with a person’s EQ, as does a certain innate, inherited ability at it, one can see from these four components that, unlike IQ, EQ is something that can be learned. Ever wonder why people read self help books?

Emotional Intelligence (Intuition)
Windows 10 and Music

Also, I have found something wonderful about Microsoft Windows 10 ( (a free upgrade at this link for now for Windows 7 and Windows 8.1 users. ). In every previous edition of Windows, it was the LOGIC of the operating system which had to be mastered. Deviations from using the correct logic when using the Windows operating system to some extent resulted in “damage” to or errors on the OS. But Windows 10, while involving fairly complex logic, is thoroughly intuitive, and in using it one’s EQ or intuition is actually empowered and increased by using Windows 10. Microsoft finally hit upon an intuitively almost obvious interface or GUI (graphic user interface). How very wonderful.

I also strongly believe that listening to a lot of good music raises one’s emotional intelligence, and a LOT. I feel this is very important. Not only does music in general affect us strongly emotionally, but the KIND of music we listen to is important. If you listen mainly to acid death metal all the time, you’ll probably have an angry or mean-spirited outlook. “The medium is the message,” as Marshall McLuhan said way back when in the 60’s. That’s why I feel it is somewhat wrong, for example, to be constantly immersed in violent video games, beyond a certain amount.

Emotional Intelligence Resources
(Kindle ebooks and more)

Kindle book at Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition 2012, by Daniel Goleman.

Kindle book at Emotional Intelligence 2.0, 2008, by Travis Bradberry.

Amazon paperback The Language of Emotional Intelligence: The Five Essential Tools for Building Powerful and Effective Relationships, 2008, by Jeanne Segal.

See What is Emotional Intelligence? — Goleman’s Five Concepts in Relation to Men, Women, and Their IQ, Suite, March 5, 2010, by Daya Bihm.

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